Grand-parenting

      Grand-parenting to me seems like it would be the best time of life. It's great because both the husband and wife can spend some quality time together again. They can also love their grandchildren and send them back to the parents when the children do something wrong. Some grandparents do struggle with boundaries though. They can take responsibilities away from the parents sometimes because they feel like it is a second chance for them. Grandparents have lot of pressure weighing on them. They kind of need to set the example for the family because they have been around the longest and should have a lot of wisdom. I love my grandparents. They are the sweetest people. They have been really good at letting my parents do the parenting, but they will give us little words of wisdom every once in awhile. I hope when I am a grandparent I don't cause stress within the family because I am trying to be my grandchild's second mom.

       In this blog post I also wanted to give a few ending notes because this semester is ending. I have really enjoyed this class. I am glad that I understand family systems more. I am a visual learner so it really helped when we talked about the different boundaries within a family and we were able to draw it on the board. Things become clearer when you are able to draw out what boundaries are being created between you and your spouse or if you are letting other people into your little circle when it should only be you and your spouse. I am glad I have had the opportunity to learn and grow from this class and now I can go and teach others what I have learned.

Divorce

     There are many reasons for divorce but what many people don't realize is that they probably could have saved their marriage. Some of the reason's for divorce include money, communication, lack of emotional support, boredom, incompatibility, fall out of love, constant conflict, and emotional and physical abuse. To me, some of these things don't seem like a good reason to get a divorce. Most of these if you get help the problem can be worked out. Sometimes we get in a rut and it feels like there is no way out and we make decisions that we may regret later. I think the exception is physical and emotional abuse. There is no reason at all why someone should be abused. If the abuser doesn't back off then I think the best thing to do would be to get out of the marriage. As for the problem of incompatibility, I think if the couple would have dated wisely ad carefully they would have found out if they were compatible or not. I am not married yet so when I date guys I want to date in a way that I really get to know the guy. This will include, discussing important matters before we get married, and go on dates where I will be able to see him react to different situations and circumstances. I will try to do this because I believe that it will strengthen are future marriage.

Parenting

     A polite request should always be given to your children before a firm request. Children are much more likely to listen to their parents if they first ask politely. If your children do not do the task that was asked to them, then sit down with them and explain how it makes you feel. Use "I" and not "you". It is important that parents don't sound like they are accusing the child because that can cause the child to become defensive. If the child still does not do what was asked, then use a firm request. This does not mean yelling to your child. Simply restate the task that needs to be accomplished in a firmer voice and leave it at that. Yelling at your child might get them to do the task or chore but it will be more detrimental to the child. My parents have definitely been a good example of this. They have never yelled or screamed at me and because of this I feel their respect for me and in return I can give them the respect that they deserve.

Work and Home

     We communicate better while we are working rather than playing. When we are playing our minds are preoccupied with the activity that we are involved in. Sometimes it may be more fun to play but it is actually more rewarding to work. I know for me it is easier to open up and share while I am working. There is something about working with family that really creates a bond. I think it is because you are with people you feel familiar and comfortable with and you are trying to accomplish a common goal. While working, people are more likely to engage in conversation and get to know each other. Now that I know this I will be more aware of communication while I am working with family members. 
      This is kind of a switch in topics but a girl in class brought up the topic of paying your kids for work. I personally don't think it is a good idea to pay your kids for everyday chores. Those types of jobs just need to be done. I think if you pay children to do the everyday chores, when they get older they just expect to continue to be payed. When they get married though, no one will be paying them to keep a clean home or yard. Some people say that it helped them learn how to save money and keep a budget. I personally believe that there are better was to do this. Now maybe if the child is trying to save up for something special I would allow them to do certain jobs around the house for a little bit of money. It would have to be something that really needs to be done though, such as cleaning the windows, or cleaning out a file cabinet. It is really important to teach your children how to work because it will help them in their future life.

Marriage and Family Counsels

Following the counsel structure of the first counsel and the twelve apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ can bring about great success to any marriage or family. Everyone can learn from the brethren of the church. In these counsels, there is a lot accomplished. First the first counselors will express love and appreciation to everyone and help them feel welcome. Second, someone will offer a prayer and seek to know God's will during the meeting. Starting with the prophet, they then, after the first presidency, go from seniority and ask if they have any concerns, comments, or suggestions. This leads into the third step which is discussing until a consensus is formed. They always keep the Lord present in the meeting by trying to do what he would do. After they have made a consensus they end with a closing prayer, seeking to follow thorough with God's will. At the very end they often share refreshments together. Now, how can that help in a marriage or a family. Expressing love and appreciation to either your spouse and your children is very important. This will help them feel your love and know that you care about what they have to say. It also helps them be more willing to share. Starting with an opening prayer is very important. Invite the Spirit to be there because the Spirit is the best teacher. Seeking to know God's will is something that can often be skipped over. God knows each member of the family and is there to help and strengthen the family, not to tear it apart. Once you have done that, allow each person in the family time to share what they need to. Keep in mind what the Lord would do. Once you have made a consensus on why you held the counsel, go ahead and end with a prayer seeking to follow God's will. Now each member of the family should go out seeking to follow God's will and acting on promptings. If they don't act on those promptings then nothing will have come from that counsel. Having refreshments at the end is a great way to relax and just have fun with each other. It can really be a bonding time. Counsel's can be pretty serious sometimes so lightening up is a good thing. This counsel structure kind of reminds me of Family Home Evening. It really brought my family closer together and even though I had five other siblings, we were always all involved. I could always feel the love my parents had for me when they sat down with us. They really payed attention to us when we gave a comment and would comment back to us instead of just moving on. I really believe that by following this counsel structure that the Brethren of the Church of Jesus Christ use, we can really accomplish more than we could have other ways.

Stress and Coping

Each family will have different crises which , depending on how they respond to the crises, will either improve or create more problems within the family. Every family will have some sort of trial or crises. There really is no way of going around it. A crisis is something that causes stress within the family and makes it so a change has to take place. Some crises such as a death, can be very hard on a family. For some, it will bring the family closer while for others it will tear them apart. Usually if you have all of the answers it is easier to bare because you don't have any doubts or misunderstandings. You also don't have to worry because you know why it happened. For example, with an illness, if there is an answer, or a cure for the disease then you can work together to get rid of it. If there is no cure yet for a certain disease then you have a constant worry in the back of your head about how to get through it. I am definitely not saying that there won't be stress because there will be. It is just how you deal with it that makes the difference. I believe that talking about your worries will help lessen stress because you are sharing it with another person and it is not all crashing on you. Being able to lift each others burden's are what families are for.  My mom and dad have told me that they have never been depressed at the same time. One will always be able to lift the other and keep them going. I think that is a great trait that I hope my future husband and I will be able to have.

Lesson 7

     After we had our class discussion on infidelity I was actually pretty scared. I never realized how easy it could be to be unfaithful to your spouse. People do it without even knowing they are doing it. We talked about the dangers in talking and sharing concerns with other people other than  spouses. Once you start to share your feelings, your likes and dislikes, you start to feel connected to that person. I am not married yet but it just seems like it could happen to anyone no matter how good of a person they are. In one of the things we had to read it talked about how we need to be careful even if it is a business trip or a church trip. Avoid being in the same vehicle with the opposite gender even if it is a business partner or a ward relief society president. We discussed things to avoid in order to be completely faithful to your spouse. Some of those things included avoid comparing your spouse's faults to other people and especially to "fantasy" people, like novels and movies. Facebook could also be put under that category. You shouldn't "chat" with other people on Facebook unless your spouse is with you. Especially if the person you are chatting with is all ready married. There are many little things that can eventually lead to a big slip. Being completely faithful to your spouse is very important. Even though this lesson scared me, I am glad we talked about it because now I am more aware and can avoid these subtle but destructive actions.